Avoid metaphors in a haiku. What is expected out of you is to present a detached simple observation without any trickery or word play. 17 syllables is not a pre-requisite. A strong image is..An example,.Oh snail,you were there- yesterday!.a fireflyfeeding on marijuana,- illumination!.Plural of haiku is haiku. Not haikus. Though I do like the last one!
nice piece of poetry...still discovering ur poetic skills....keep penning!!