Sunday, March 2, 2008

Orkut and the Digital Ageing Syndrome

Its been 2 years and I am still stuck to the same social networking site.Call it being digitally challenged or whatever I am still hooked on to Orkut and no other site including Facebook seems to catch my fancy in the same way as Orkut does.The pleasures of Orkut are not just discovering your kindergarten crush ( still as cute as ever but happily married) or some long -lost cousin whom you never knew existed . Orkut scores over others because it provides one of the greatest pleasures known to man..the joy of voyeurism.Its the only place where you can follow the entire evolution of a romance from the tender " can I make friendship with you" to the ripened " he is my bestest friend" phase.It is also the place where you unearth gems like " If you wanna know me check my testis" or " I think your English is very week".It also makes you realise that 98.7% of women in this country are " cool, fun-loving and loves music".Now just at this moment when you start believing Orkut is all pleasure and no pain , think again. The forces of yin and yang must balance itself in this unreal world.The happy family in a Jitendra movie must have an evil daughter-in-law mixing poison in the milk at some point of time.The Indian team needing 30 runs to win of 60 balls must make the game trully worth the money for the audience and must lose 3 wickets in the span of one over.In other words every good thing must have its pitfalls and Orkut is no exception.So when Orkut decides to inflict pain , it does so in the form a syndrome which I have christened as the " Digital ageing syndrome".Its a mental disorder which makes you realise that your existence is a total anachronism to the present day world and that you are a pre-historic cave dweller born before the onset of the last Ice-age who for some mercy of nature have managed to see the digital age. I shall now elaborate on the symptoms of this disease with the following two examples:

1. You clearly remember this baby in your neighbourhood.She was plump and cute.On some ocassions you used to even take her in your lap.As`she grew up you remember once buying her a lollipop.But time passes and like most things , you slowly forget about her existence.Then one fine day you recieve a friendship request on Orkut.The baby in your neighbourhood has grown up to a nubile and almost desirable young lady ( now please don't frame a quiz question like " connect the writer of this blog with Michael Jackson ").She is already 16 and by current standards its a very orkuttable age.She already desribes her relationship status as committed though she recieves countless " can we make friendship" request.You hang your head in shame .You realise few years down the line you would be standing on a long queue for buying admission forms for liitle one who would by that time be old enough to join school.Your mind recoils in shock and horror and you logout form orkut or you may permanently delete your account.

2.Its a lazy winter evening and you as usual decide to take a lazy stroll along the bluish orkuttian landscape , smelling roses here and there in general appreciating the great beauty of humankind.So suddenly you come across this slightly familiar rose and you get a feeling of deja-vu..... " where have I seen her before".Your mind swiftly goes back to your high-school when she was your classmate.For a while you are transported to the misty memories of your early teens when this girl used to be a crush, though you didnt publicize it enough for somebody to scribble "X+Y" on the blackboard ( the alphabets have been chosen deliberately to prevent sowing of seeds into the fertile imagination of some of my readers).Slowly fragments of your memory join together to form the outline of her face , the length of her skirt and several other details.Almost delirous with joy you click at her profile and without a second thought visit her album.You see her first picture and there is no doubt its the same girl..she has obviously grown up and put on some weight , but the twinkle in her eye and the roundness of her face is still very much intact.With excitement mounting every passing second , you enter the album.In the very next photo you see her dangling from the arms of a robust young man, with the backdrop of a quickly scroll down to read the caption and it reads "Me with hubby Nilesh in'nt he cute?".Then you mutter to yourself.." yes he is cute..cho cho cute that I feel like !#@$#@!$@##%." In one single stroke of fate you realise the fleeting nature of time and how youth with all its colours are slowly fading away.In a few years time you too would be part of a similiar photograph with your overweight wife trying to dangle from your not so robust arms and you would suffer in silence not having the heart to tell her that your back aches ( you may say I am being too negative but I consider it my talent to spread gloom and darkness)

This brings us to the conclusion that as you go older your choice for social networking sites must also change.Its time for me now to understand the intricacies of Facebook and prevent myself from future shocks.


  1. maybe u shud shift to facebook to save urself from the shock and thus save all ur blog readers from the gloom....but its always fun to read ur blogs..and u sound ANCIENT.

  2. Frankly speaking, I am a bit disappointed with the contents of this blog...U have slipped down considerably from your lofty standards. Why are you being so downright pessimistic? These so called social networking sites shouln't become an obsession in one's life..i have learnt it the hard way!

    Its a bit hard to comprehend how such an avid reader goes through a gamut of negative emotions. Facebook seems a better place for you coz life is indeed what if your school crush gets married off to a rank underdog and you still long for never stops!

  3. No lectures from my side..To me, you are still the same..a wonderful writer and a whacky lil..oops!I mean old friend ;)

    Orkut, from a guy's point of view..couldn't get better! Keep penning uncle :)

  4. Boss, you are the reason why some people choose not to upload their pictures on the Internet. Watch out the cyber crime squad will be on your heels. This 'smelling of flowers and appreciating the general beauty' business is potentially dangerous.....just joking.
    But yes, it is amazing how a few thousand zeros and ones streaming in through a maze of networks and manifesting themselves on your screen manage to revive memories of an age long past. This indeed is the beauty of the digital age.

    Now let me try to decipher the CAPTCHA.....

  5. Sujoy: I only smell the roses becoz dey are up for display , i never make attempts at plucking them

  6. awesome man....couldn't hav desribed it better...:D

  7. Orkut has indeed changed our lives,ever since it came into existence. It has become an addiction. The existence of other social networking sites Facebook, Wayn, Zextr etc are just unable to take a single ounce of divertion towards it from Orkut.

    Cheers to Polka,you have blogged about something which is like a daily routine for us normal as having food, sleeping or talking...Orkutting !!! Keep penning the words !!

  8. Well thing...u need to shift focus( we hav chatted over it)....time never you better run along wid it....i knw you knw all tht..and all ur dismay and shock and awe...are not to be taken wont pour my words of wisdom here....

    and once in total awe of how you can write any damn topic in such a vein tht you impose ur readers to hav a chuckle...and in most cases a hearty laugh........God Bless ya!!!

    p.s.: i went thru the blog again.... n plzzz a social networkin site defining wat you think of urself, ur frenz, ur crushes, ur life??????? giv me a break!!!! but i dont think anyone takes all tht seriously..... keep smiling....n spreadin smiles

  9. got ur link 4m somewhr...traced it n found awesome posts... they r simply a great read.. n wot else... keep on writing... u cn gve serious compitetion to chetan bhagat!..u beat even his style of writing...kudos..